I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
