I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
