Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
