after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Couch. On fire.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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