No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
