Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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