If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize