She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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