Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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