theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
