i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
