yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i came on her dog
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
