I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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