life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
