mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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