This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
