Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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