I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
