Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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