So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
