I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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