At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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