it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
