There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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