I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
