I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
