And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
