I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
