Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
