I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there's paper in my vomit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.