I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?