so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day