you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love having hate sex.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".