Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.