Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
