went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
