Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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