got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
