Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
