It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
