I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
