i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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