Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
