Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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