Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ok first of all what the fuck
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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