I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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