saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
