she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
