Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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