So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
