when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
