Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
