If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
