jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
