I want to stick my p in your. b.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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