i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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