i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
