does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
