I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
