Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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