I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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