Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
