whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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