I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
