if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
