Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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