I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
