i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
