So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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