The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were trust falling into bushes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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