I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize