Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
