Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
