If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize