bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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