hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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