A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
