A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
