everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
