Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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