Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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